This is a recent photo of me at my happiest.
I know, I know, you are all clamouring to know what my secret is. Well, you too can achieve the teenage angst look, complete with cap in one simple step; Move back in with your Mum! Simples.
Since September last year, I have been living at my Mum’s and it has been a learning curve (for both of us) and any surplus teenage angst I had from when I was um, actually a teenager is most definitely being used up.
So, how can you be as delightful as me?
Here are some essential changes I have made to my attitude;
1. CLOTHES – Yes, I know there’s a huge empty cupboard with clanking coat hangers, but my clothes are much happier on the floor. Preferably scrumpled and easy to reach. Don’t underestimate the ease of outfit planning when it’s all there in front of your eyes and a palm away.
2. DOORS – I wasn’t born in a barn, but I have to leave all the doors open, at all times. Oh, unless somebody has dared express an opinion and I need to have a bit of a Slam. SLAM, SLAM, SLAM. It feels sooo good, so I’m going to do it a bit more, with a bit of a stomp mixed in too. SLAM, STOMP, SLAM, STOMP! Feel much better now, thanks door.
3. ADVICE – Any advice given, especially if it’s extra logical and practical and really what I should probably do, will be promptly ignored, humphed at (see point 2) or argued with, It has to be MY idea, from MY head, when it suits ME. Even if that’s about 27 years later.
4. FOOD – I helped myself to some cheese, a few biscuits, a coffee, two and a half crumpets and a yoghurt. Your point is? To put it back after? Are you bonkers? How do I know if I’ve finished or not? I shall wait until everything changes colour a bit and the ants come out, then I shall decide. Don’t dare intercept this process.
5. SPEAKING – I can hear you calling my name. But if I open my mouth to answer, I might be at risk of exhaustion and I need to preserve all my energy for whatsapping and looking at photos of people I don’t know on Facebook.
6. EFFORT – I made you a cup of tea. Isn’t that enough? You wanted me to take the teabag out? WHAT?!!! Some people are SOOOOOO unreasonable. (Cue, SLAM, STOMP, SLAM, STOMP.. SLAM)
7. WEATHER – I know it’s cold and raining and stormy ! Everybody was talking about it on their walls. A coat? Wellies? Umbrella? What? I shall go out in my thinnest thin clothes and call you by reversing the charges at 2.37 am when I get absolutely sodden and need a lift. OK?
p.s – A ginormous THANK YOU to my Mum for putting up with me and putting me up xxxx