WHO DUNNIT?

Last week at a party ( for the under fives),  my “friend” did a silent but incredibly violent trump. Cue, parents flocking from the darkest corners of bunting clad trees to check their offspring´s bottoms, nappies, pockets,. “Strewth!” exclaimed one dad ( or words to that effect) “That was nuclear!” coughed another. My”friend” , feeling quite proud of her skills decided to keep mum (literally).

This led me my friend to conjure up a list of the top five situations where it’s morally acceptable to blame it on the kids.

1.  Nails; When you are incapable of painting your nails without it resembling an effort from a chimpanzee using its bottom to hold the brush.

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The boys did it? How cute!

 

2. When your house resembles this multiplied by 7;

 

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Easier to say that the kids were nutters and you literally haven’t had a moment to breathe, let alone wash up. Nobody needs to know that the boys were brilliant and you spent the afternoon watching Bananaman, whilst sipping cooking wine from a mug.

 

3.  Cakes; When you have to take a cake somewhere and this happens.

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In this case, you don’t need to use your faithful scapegoats as it will just be automatically presumed that your recently out of the womb child made it.

 

4. The state of you ;  

When the children are small, it’s socially acceptable to go out covered in unidentifiable substances and look like you have just landed from another planet without a parachute. It’s also ok to have no concept of what you are wearing. The important thing is that you’re dressed and out . Well done you! Don’t have a raincoat or umbrella? No problem, a bin bag will do.

 

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Although easier to point the finger at the boys for lack of time etc… It gets a bit dubious when they look like they have just  stepped out of a catalogue and are constantly asking why you’re wearing dressing up clothes.

** There is a small possibility that I was on my own in above photo, and the boys were in fact fast asleep in another part of the country…

 

5. When you cut your child’s fringe; 

 

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To avoid being reported to the National Society for  the prevention of Hair Crimes. Much easier to say that they mistook their hair for a piece of paper.

* For some reason unbeknown to me and the rest of the human race, Boy 1 thinks this is the best fringe ever. (I think having my fringe as a point of reference has helped…)

 

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14 thoughts on “WHO DUNNIT?

  1. Haha! Yay for this unexpected perk of being a parent! I quite often tell my other half that the toddler’s been a terror all day which is why the house looks such a mess. In reality we have just bee playing, sleeping having fun all day!!
    Becky x
    #TheList

  2. Love this!! I have blamed my terrible baking on the kiddos and *might* have blamed any odd smells on them too! Kids have some benefits 😉

  3. Ha! Great post. Very true. All of it. Except the dodgy haircut. My other half was definitely blamed for that.

  4. Smells usually get blamed on the dog in this house, because the youngest will own up to his own and knows when he’s being used as a scapegoat! But I will admit to using them as an excuse for stains on my clothing (no, I didn’t just miss my mouth at breakfast…), the mess of the house, and just for getting out of things I don’t want to go to!

    #pocolo

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